Ugggggggggh! Ok so after 2 years of being Charlie and every week a guy telling me "Thats a blokes name" n looking the other way, i politely excused myself,sauntered up the stairwell and grabbed the manager!
T is the top dog and was talking to DJ S who is big with the electro dance mix. "T," i say very calmly as not to apear frustrated and irrational "can i change my name?" always sarcastic he replies "well sure,you go to the courts,inform the rigt people then change it my deed poll....." i interupt as nicely and as patiently as possible
"no in here hahahaha" T can be quite nice sometimes "sure is Charlie not working for you anymore?" "No" i mumble. It is 1.45am and i have managed 2 measly dances.
"What do you want to be called then?" "DJ S waits for it,like im going to say something mad.
"Katy" i say. i realise im holding my breath.
"Thats fine,we have no Katy's here right now" T says now bored of me,even though i know we have no Katys thats why i picked it.
"Ooo Thankyou so much!!!" i bound away to the dressing room to pop up a note to let the other girls know.
A nice new girl is in the dressing room, "ooo" she says brushing her hair "like Katy Price"
"Perry!!!!!!!" i squeek thinking oh god i hope people dont think im trying to be like katy price ugh!
Nice new girl saves it by saying "oh yes definatly your more of a Perry then a price".
I dont know why i felt settled now but i bound down the stairs and im ready to try my new name as if iv been given a new lease of life!
No one left who isnt with a girl or capable of holding a conversation.
Brilliant.
I spot one of my best friends in the club "L" Who does actualy look like Miss Perry and "I" a gorgeous Barbie incarnate girl looking really down in the dumps sat at a table. I join them tale between my tired legs.
Suddenly as if the red seas have parted a gentlemen i danced for earlier and who left return with his two friends and pass us. "Hi!!!!!!!!!" i over enthuse as if he could save my life, "your back" big smile "you want some company?" i gesture to my friends. "sure!" Gentleman says i remember he was a massive newcastle fan and his friend was called Neil. woop woop! I also remember to thicken my tastefully soft geordie accent to Cheryl Cole proportions.
We catwalk over and sit down,by an odd twist of fate i sort of realise im in charge of this situation.
Oh stuff it i think its not 2.15am and we close at 3pm.
"How aboot we all gow to VIPEE?" I suggest in my friendliest and most suggestive Cole Voice loud enough for his friends to hear.
"What was your name again?" Newcastle enthuse says to me looking suspicious.
"Katy" i reply giving him my walmest smile.
"why not" he says "c'mon lads,il pay for you"
Score.
So Katy i like to think saved my bum so we got the last half hour in the holy grail of VIP and a thurs evening wasnt totaly lost.
Shame me and "L" finnished the last orders song before we left doing a double for a gross man who said like he was 50 cent "C'mon girls 100 pound,200...?" come back to mine."
puke
"Thats one warning!" i trill shimmying around like a salmon while "L" looks ready to punch him.
"mmmmm" puke guy says while L is on his lap, suddenly she yelps and jumps up, hes caressed her boob.
"Thats a big second warning,you are not aloud to do that!" Glaring now and furious the oblivious slime now looks up and says "i know you's want it" and wiggles his tongue at us.
We look at each other and say "Right dance ended,bye" and flounce off and thank god the club is now closed.
Disgusting,id love a night to pass when someone does not try and proporsition you and *joke* for especialy 200 quid! Cheap slimes haha.
The girls must not be proporsitioned!!!!!!!
It says on the freaking menu.
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